Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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