i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
