420 ftw
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
