I have demons in me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
