i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
being pregnant is like rehab
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Randomize