i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
