So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
