She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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