I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you inspire me to be a worse person
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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