Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
