Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm passing your future prison.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
