My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
