hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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