I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
