I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
