There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
