pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
