Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
