I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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