I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it glows. i had to have it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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