If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
