Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
