i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
