I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
