im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
