just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
