There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
