they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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