is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
