So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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