Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
