Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
