You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
