I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
