Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
