I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
