your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
