Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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