he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
