I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
