I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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