Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
