I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
