My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize