I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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