I cut my penus on the lid.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
