who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
