Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
