if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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