tell your sister to shave her snatch
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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