It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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