I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
