Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
