i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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