Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
