Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
