RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
