My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
