I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
