yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
