He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
