shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
