I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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