i jhust puked up my retainher.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize