these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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