I am puke
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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