So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
