I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
