I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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