Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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