Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
