Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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