please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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