My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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