do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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