I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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