he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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