you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
