I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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