Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
false alarm. still invincible.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
