you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
