just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
