but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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