So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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