So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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