During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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