At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
