Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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