I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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