You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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