I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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