I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it's great music for shaving your balls
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
