well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
