I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this just has baby written all over it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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