Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
