drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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