It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
