Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
