At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
