Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
