If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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