youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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