Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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