Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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