People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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